During a time when our children are growing up too fast and often bombarded with negative images, parents frequently wonder how to help their children find success. Parents want to know not just how to connect with their children, but how they can help make sure their daughter or son makes good choices and succeeds. The four secrets below can be applied to any situation teens face whether it relates to school, family, friends, relationships, or tougher issues.

Secret One: They Gotta Use Their Gut

Every day most teens are asked to follow their peers or go along with the crowd. In the face of these tough decisions, it is critical for them to learn how to listen their gut, or intuition. It is that little voice inside them that protects and helps them-if they listen to it. They often face life or death decisions whether choosing to get in the car with someone who shouldn’t be driving or to take their first sip of alcohol.

You can help your teen learn how to use their intuition or gut by helping them see times they may have used their own intuition, even if it was as simple as deciding which movie to see or what to eat for breakfast. Moreover, encourage them to make decisions on their own. If they come to you asking for help, help them think it thru on their own. Ask them questions like, if you shut out other opinions, what makes the most sense to you? How will you feel about this decision next week?

Secret Two: Help Them Identify Their Strengths and Use Them!

With so many demands on teens today to take the right classes, get into the right school, and excel in extracurricular areas, so many don’t stop to really explore all of their strengths. What if your teen was the first to discover a new element on the moon or the first to discover a cure for cancer or the fastest person to climb Mount Everest but you never entertained such ideas because you had no idea what their strengths were?

One of the best ways to help them find their strengths is to use an assessment like the Kolbe Profile. Kathy Kolbe, who created this tool, believes we all have instinct-based talents. Some high schools and colleges may offer this service through their guidance office, but you can always find out more about this and other tools online or at your school. Suggest they start an ongoing list that records all the things they love doing, from talking to people to playing music to reading about history to running outside. Pay attention to those things that bring a smile to their face and add them to the list. These are their strengths!

Secret Three: Quality Friendships are Critical

As a parent, it’s painful to watch your teen pick what you think might be the wrong friends. Because teens are so independent it can be difficult to intervene and you may need to endure watching them learn from their mistakes. But, you can show and talk to them about friendships in your life and theirs.

Try this. Be a good role model. Make sure you are picking quality friends. Then, talk to them about the questions you may ask yourself when choosing friends. Such as, do your friends make you feel good? Are they nice to you? Do you have similar goals? Do you make good choices when you are together?

Secret Four: Build Courage and Confidence

Boys and girls both have confidence issues. Even the most confident looking teen, may be an expert at hiding their own insecurities. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, the consequences are frightening: they take fewer risks, act small, talk with little voices, and they may miss opportunities they’re qualified for.

Building courage and confidence isn’t always easy because the competition between teens often hurts their confidence. Also, their own criticism and the negative comments from others shreds their self-confidence. However, recognizing where confidence needs to be built up is half the battle. One of the best ways to build confidence is to take note of when they feel successful and also when they wish they had more courage. Then, they can look to some of their own experiences and peer and adult role models as examples. It’s helpful sometimes for parents to point out times you see them acting with courage and confidence. Finally, a critical piece is giving them safe opportunities to make mistakes. Let them know it’s ok to try something and mess up.

As a parent watching your child grow, you know how hard it is being a teenager these days. As problems come up, try to keep the solution simple. Keep your teen focused on success by remembering to use these four secrets.